


My life without you

by animemeetskpop



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst?, Foul Language, I have no idea what to tag, Lil bit of blood?, M/M, Maybe a little bit OOC, Mild Kissing, Post ch 348
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29101155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animemeetskpop/pseuds/animemeetskpop
Summary: This is a collection of stories of what happened to the others after He Tian went away, especially Mo.Not sure, how many chapters it will have or when I will update, but I have some kind of story line in my head, so we'll see. Hope you guys enjoy:)
Relationships: He Tian & Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 76





	1. First love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mo Guan Shan...I wanted you to like me more and more...thank you and bye"
> 
> I'm still not completely sure on what I'm gonna do, but I wanted to make a collection of how did the others, mostly how Mo spent their years after He Tian left.  
> So yeah, enjoy:) English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistake.

_One day_

Today was the day.

A week has passed since He Cheng brought back the puppy, that He Tian thought he lost forever, back into his life. The same amount of time has also passed from the last time It wagged its tail and breathed in his scent. Just a couple of hours after he found it, he lost it again. It was almost as if it was resisting until the day they could meet again and just like that, satisfied of its accomplishment, He Tian was left by himself again. What a joke.

_***_

_"It's such a pity to lose such a smart kid like you, He Tian. But I hope the best for you and for your new school life"_

_"Thank you, sir"_

His head teacher was now talking and smiling to him, pretending they had some kind of connection, as if that wasn't made up of the money his father gave under the table, in order to insure that any problem caused by He Tian or anyone from the He family at school would be just forgotten.

Which includes disappearing for a week or changing schools without a proper notification, a month before your last year of middle school ends. Therefore, as the future puppet of the He family he showed the best fake smile he had and thanked him before exiting the office.

***

This was his last day, still couldn't believe it. Middle school sucked, it was a pithole full of rebelious and horny teenagers. In addition the fact that he was smart, made even the lessons boring. At the same time, it was in this pithole that he met his friends...especially that red angry ball of fluff, who makes his days amusing and who has taken a huge part in his heart. Yes, _his_ Little Mo...who also doesn't know of his transfer.

The past days had been a struggle, he used his usual smile with Mo pretending that everything was alright, but it was as if he could see through him, even so luckily he wouldn't ask anything, and so his acting game continued. 

_'BELL RINGS'_

_"oh! Brother Mo, let's go get something to eat, it's on me"_

_"What the fuck, why do you keep appearing out of nowhere...and stop putting your arm around my shoulders"_

_"It's this the way you thank your guitar teacher, so dissapointed"_

_"You...argh...do whatever you want. C'mon guys let's go"_

_"Boss, we're not that hungry, you and...He Tian can go without us"_

_"What in the chicken dick, since when are y'all not hungry, you bastards on a diet or some shit? Whatever I don't care anymore, anyone just do whatever you want"_

_***_

_Mo's POV_

While putting the trails away.

_"You...don't you have anything to say...what's wrong with you"_

_"I was just thinking that I should stop appearing out of nowhere"_

_"Good...so you understand"_

With that He Tian ruffled his hair and left with a hand up signing goodbye, while still walking.

***

Everything around him became a buzz, his head was dizzy and he felt sick...what about He Tian again...? His whole body was screaming to him to get the fuck out of there, that the lesson could have waited but that raven hair guy with a too complicated family history couldn't. And so, that's what he did, he remembers muttering something about feeling sick and then, he was out running and jumping off the fence like mr idchowhotitisillstillbeattachedtoyou.

His heartbeat was erratic, running in the middle of the city like that, and he guessed his expression must have been really bad for people to be just moving out of the way, by looking at him.

In the end, there he was, ten meters from that super expensive and luxurious apartment, he had been too many times to even count them. Almost as if the sky knew how he felt, it started raining. The moment he moved forward, there he saw He Cheng and Brother Qiu holding some boxes and coming out of the building, followed by him. He Tian, that fucking selfish guy...who was just a fucking liar.

_"HE TIAAAAAAAAN"_

And with that, he was sure he caught the attention of all the neighborhood, but most importantly he saw He Tian's eyes widening for a second before, seeing him move to brother Qiu presumably and gesturing something. The rain was getting stronger and he was sure to be drenched and hopefully he might not catch a cold...but in that moment it didn't matter, that bastard finally approached him and that fake smile wasn't there for the first time the whole week.

_"Little Mo...are we skipping? Shouldn't you be in school"_

I couldn't look him in the eyes, for the fear that all my emotions would just rip out of my body, so I decided that the ground was much more interesting.

_"You fucking liar...selfish...weren't you the one who told me to stop relying on myself...why are you doing the same now. Where...where are you going..."_

_"I don't know...haaa...my father decided that for my future sake this was for the best, but I don't even know where am I going, if I'm still even gonna be in the same country"_

_"Why didn't you say anything...do the others know that you are leaving..."_

_"I don't think Xixi knows, I mean I guess by know he does, if even you know...for Jian Yi yeah he knows"_

Why did Jian Yi know and he didn't, it wasn't fair. He is always attached to him, but he was okay lying to his face, pretending that everything was good.

_"Then what about me...why didn't you tell me..."_

A minute passed and...

_"I couldn't...how was I supposed to tell you...when you are the reason I don't want to leave. If I told you I knew for sure, that I wouldn't have been able to go. Even now, all my muscles are telling me to not go and just stay here, like this near you"_

_"You...you should have fought more...w-what am I supposed to do now"_ and with that he didn't resist anymore, tears ran out of his eyes and he was thankful for the rain for masking them. Like that, he raised his head and met those gray eyes, that were sooo soft. In that moment, He Tian just looked like a normal kid, not this super rich, mafia boss family kid, who was used to show people fake emotions, but just a normal kid who was sad of leaving.

The moment their eyes met, he was caught in an embrace, with He Tian's forehead resting on his shoulder. And like that, he just froze he didn't know what to do... he slowly returned the embrace, while trying to calm his heartbeat.

They stayed like that for minutes, with just the sound of the rain in the background, and he wanted for the time to just stop right there and then.

They heard a honk coming most probably from brother Qiu, and like that the moment ended. Before letting him go, He Tian turned his head and whispered those words he re-read plenty of times, that were placed in a safe place on his desk.

 _"Mo Guan Shan...I wanted you to like me more and more...thank you and bye"_ and like that he removed himself and showed him a smile, that was anything but happy. So that was it, that's how they parted...now when he finally acknowledged whatever was that he felt towards the other guy...now that he was ready to accept him...that was it...

The moment he saw the painful expression on his face, his body reacted by itself, he grabbed He Tian's wrist, making him spun around and like that he got a hold of his hair...the next second their lips were touching...he felt He Tian going from a state of surprise to molding himself to Mo. And as fast as they kissed they parted ways.

_"Goodbye, Mo Guan Shan"_

Just like that, they both lost their first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, the kiss at the end is me imagining how that official art kiss scene happened. If you guys know, what I'm talking about. I also have no idea how to put pictures in the notes so this is the link.  
> https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/19days/images/0/03/21.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20180730201236


	2. I'm fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of school, new shithole, new uniforms, new trust issues to be aware of.
> 
> I have no idea how many chapters will this have or when I'm gonna update, but I have already some kind of story line in my head, so we'll see. I think this chapter is longer than the previous, I didn't do it on purpose I just started writing and didn't stop hahaha. Honestly the characters might get a bit OOC or not, judge for yourselves, anyways.  
> Hope you guys enjoy it :)

_One day_

Mo was now at home, fresh out of the shower, he laid on his bed sideways and stared into the nothingness. His eyes were hurting, not sure if it was the shampoo or the 30 minutes of crying, that he's sure his mom must have heard. The situation didn't feel real yet, his mind and body were just numb, refusing to take in anything related to He Tian. And right at that moment, his phone vibrated, showing a notification. The sender being He Tian.

His throat suddenly went dry, Mo stared at the messaging app icon and after a bit, decided to open it.

_"Little Mo, I know it hasn't been long since we parted ways, but I still wanted to text you. In 10 minutes I'm gonna board on an airplane, apparently in the end I won't even be allowed to stay here. I'm going to a private school in England, so this is probably the last time we'll be in touch. I miss you already...and I can't imagine that I won't see your face anymore...I know I shouldn't have texted you but I am selfish, and that's why I sent it._

_Also...Guan Shan...I can't tell you much, the least you guys know the less in danger you are, but be there for Xixi, he's gonna need it..._

_For the last time, goodbye Mo"_

What was this...how is he supposed to reply, he's just telling him information that he couldn't do anything about...it's not as if he could just buy a ticket and go to England whenever he wanted...and what was that about Xixi...

But at last, what he could take from the message was that there was no solution after all...it was really the end for them. And there they were, tears starting to prickle from his eyes.

_"GUAN SHAN! DINNER IS READY"_

_"Ma I'm coming"_

***

_"Before a student with a buzz cut came with your bag...what happened?"_

_"Nothing...just forgot to get it...you know how us teenagers are, always forgetful"_

_"Mo Guan Shan...don't lie to your mother, what is it...is that the reason why you were drenched and were crying?"_

After putting down the cutlery and deciding if he was gonna say anything, his emotions started to act up again and he ended up bawling his eyes out, while his mom just patted his head.

_"Ma...He Tian...he went away...and I won't be able to see him anymore..."_

***

The past 2 weeks have been dreadful, He Tian was gone but apparently everyone still talked about him, as if he was still there. Jian Yi and Xixi kept going at him, trying to cheer him up and keep him company, they would invite him out and yes, he enjoyed the time but he just looked like he was lost. Same went for his "followers", they still called him Boss and were trying to make him feel better, realizing fast that not mentioning the raven boy name, was one of the ways.

They had less than 2 weeks before graduation...it meant that he was gonna leave this shithole of a school, to enter a bigger shithole, high school. Apparently, Jian Yi and Xixi were gonna go to the same school, as for him, he was gonna be literally their neighbor, only a fence was in between of the two...which meant he wasn't able to fully get rid of them...

***

Just like that graduation arrived.

_"C'mon let's take a picture...both of you need to stop being so anti social"_

To which both Xixi and Mo decided to hit him. Nevertheless, they still ended up taking the picture.

The rest of the day, it was just Jian Yi pulling the both of them to cafés and karaoke, which Mo will remember to refuse completely next time.

Like that, his middle school years came to an end.

***

His summer break was full of part time jobs, he was gonna work his ass off and get so fucking rich, so that he could throw his money at He Tian...

Right, as if that was still possible...these days he was starting really slowly to feel less numb, sometimes he would do something and remember the raven and just dismiss it, some other time he would run in a corner or in the toilet and bawl his eyes out. Truthfully, his part time jobs were an excuse to keep him busy, at least that's what he thought, until 5 minutes ago, when he ended up crying over a stupid mango. The problem was, wanting to forget about He Tian, but when naturally his mind would do that, he would cry over how he was starting to not remember his voice or how he smelled or the smirk on his face...

***

First day of school, new shithole, new uniforms, new trust issues to be aware of. He could smell the floor detergent, that covered the entirety of the school at the beginning of a new year. He found out that buzz cut followed him to this school, and after multiple boss later, he told him that it wasn't a thing anymore, if possible he didn't want to be associated anymore as the bad guy, not that he cared about others opinion, but he wanted to just chill these 3 years and get out, find a job and then die, possibly rich. So, instead Mo made him agree on them being something similar to friends.

Lunch break came around and after so much nagging coming from the group chat that Jian Yi created, he decided to go towards the fence separating the two schools. There they were, it was weird seeing them wearing different uniforms almost making them look like future adults.

His uniform was pretty simple, it consisted of a white shirt, with blue pants and a green and blue striped tie, in winter a simple blue sweater was gonna get added to the outfit. For Jian Yi and Xixi, maybe because the schools were basically attached, the colors were pretty similar, their tie had blue, green and red stripes, while their pants were grey instead of blue, the major difference was in winter, where instead of a simple sweater, they had a blue blouse with all borders embroidered. 

They sat on the grass, looking at each other through the fence, with Jian Yi talking about dumbshit...living their school lives like this wasn't that bad.

***

_On the phone, the next day._

_"Mo, have you heard from Jian Yi?"_

_"No, why...aren't you guys the ones attached to the hip? How am I supposed to know..."_

_"It's because I haven't heard from him all day, it's already 4 pm and I get it if he wanted to skip school, but it's just the second day, even you are going at school"_

_"What in the chicken dick are you trying to get at...okok, school finishes in an hour, we can go to his house and punch him until he remembers to never skip school anymore"_

_"Thank you"_

_"Yeah yeah, and don't do that, between us it's still awkward, this is just doubling it"_

As promised after school, they reached Jian Yi's apartment. After a few knocks on the door, without any answer Xixi decided to use the hidden key, which in Jian Yi style was of course situated under the front carpet.

The moment they entered, both stopped at the entrance hall, none of them moving.

The apartment was completely empty, as if nobody ever lived there. With the initial shock going away, they started searching the place for anything that could tell them where Jian Yi was...Mo could hear Xixi's erratic breathing, this was starting to suffocate him as well, it was bringing up memories and emotions he had kept in the back of his mind for the past two months. After an hour, they couldn't get anything, it was literally as if they just imagined that somebody, who was too loud for his own good lived there. They sat on the floor and Xixi had his head in his palms, he looked really bad and was murmuring words under his breath, while clenching his fists on his hair, while looking down on the floor.

_"Hey...he might just have changed house, you know he used to live at...at He Tian's place...maybe he just decided he didn't need to live here anymore"_

_"I don't think so...he would have told me..."_

_"Sometimes, you think that the people close to you trust you, but in the end that's a big fat lie..." at that moment he remembered something, why didn't he think about it before, especially with him having read that message thousands of times._

_"Xixi...I don't think Jian Yi is gonna come back any soon..."_

_"What do you mean, weren't you just telling me that he might have been at He Tian's place?" he said while looking unsure on the use of that name, that was still haunting him._

_"About that...haaa...the day He Tian went away, he sent me a last message..."_

_Xixi's eyes widened a bit and he moved his head as if telling me to continue._

_"He wrote a lot of stuff, but one thing I didn't understand was him, telling me to be there for you, that you were gonna need it. And that we couldn't know more or else, we would be more in danger...I think that he already knew this was gonna happen"_

_"W-what...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE"_

_"WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, LIKE IT MADE ANY SENSE AT THE TIME...A-AND YOU KNOW THAT I WASN'T OK"_

_"BUT NOW, JIAN YI LEFT...YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THAT"_

_"THEN IF WE PUT IT LIKE THIS...WHY DIDN'T YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND TELL ME THAT FUCKING HE TIAN WAS GONNA LEAVE, C'MON NOW TELL ME"_

_Mo screamed the last comment with all his body, almost as if he got strangled...they looked pathetic. Both hurting and angry, therefore trying to put their feelings against the other._

_"I'm sorry...Mo, I didn't know...so Jian Yi was already aware of that...somehow makes sense"_

_"Yeah, I guess I should also apologize. Argh...I feel like I need alcohol"_

_"You're underage"_

_"Fair enough"_

They decided, then to return home, it was dinner time.

At the last moment, Mo ended up inviting Xixi to his house to eat. Him and Jian Yi were there for him, now it was his turn to give back.

Just like that, the day ended. After agreeing on having lunch together, as if nothing happened. They said bye to each other.

Now it was only him and Xixi left, what a joke the 2 most anti social of the group becomimg buddies...and while thinking that, he slowly drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea what to write as notes, but thank you sooo much for reading this and leaving kudos and comments ♡
> 
> P.s. in the future there might be some small trigger warnings, I might put them before the chapter starts, rather than on the tags...


	3. Boy meets evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years had passed since also Jian Yi went away. 
> 
> Thank you for anybody who is reading this and to anybody who commented and left kudos! ♡  
> I hope you guys are gonna keep enjoying this, this chapter might be shorter then the others, but hopefully you guys are still gonna like it

_One day_

Summer break started.

It meant like always more work, aka money. In the end, he needed it even if his mom kept telling him to not stress himself, he was starting to. He was 17 years old now and before the year ended he was gonna be 18. This was his last summer break as a student, when the month would end he would become a third year and finish his last year of school. That's why he needed money, in order to get an apartment and start living alone.

Two years had passed since also Jian Yi went away. During their first year, maybe because of loneliness, maybe because they just went along, they thought it was natural for them to stick together. In all honesty, they grew really close to each other to the point that it wasn't really awkward between them anymore, and perhaps they grew too close, because that guy started calling him Shan.

_*flashback*_

_While eating lunch in front of the fence._

_"By the way, I was thinking of how we first met, and realized that I have never apologized for hitting you with a rock"_

_"Don't you think it's late for the apologies? It's been more than a year, since it happened. But sure...in return though let me call you Shan"_

_"What the fuck... no...we might be hanging out almost everyday but we barely count as half friends and it's still awkward anyways"_

_"It's still awkward, but you call me Xixi..."_

_"Everyone called you Xixi, that sometimes I even forget your real name...and also it was between being called Xixi or pokerface chicken dick...it's up to you"_

_"You sometimes call me pokerface chicken dick anyways. You said that it's up to me, then let's go with Shan"_

_"Pokerface chicken dick, don't you dare"_

_"Haaaa...ShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShanShan"_

_The bastard ended up saying his name repeatedly with a straight face. And it just ended up sticking with him._

_*flashback end*_

They did grow close, but before that, after Jian Yi disappeared, for a couple of months, Xixi would sometimes unconsciously talk as if he was gonna meet Jian Yi later or sometimes as if he was there. There were times, he would invite him over to play games and say that Jian Yi was gonna come as well or he would do something and turnaround and ask for Jian Yi's opinion. At the beginning, Mo would make him notice but after a while he ended up just going along, after a few months it naturally stopped. Or rather, they didn't hang out with each other that often anymore to notice it. 

The reason was probably, because they also were starting to open up again to other people...Mo had buzz cut and other 3/4 people that could be considered, what others call 'friends'. The same was for Xixi, by the end of their first year both Mo and Xixi would often text each other and say that they weren't gonna eat by the fence. By the start of their second year they barely talked, they both knew this was gonna happen in the end...the two of them got to know each other and do the shit they did, because both Jian Yi and He Tian would always bring chaos in their life, but without them, they were the almost anti social duo. They still greeted each other and did those small talks, but that was it. It was such a shame for him, because he lost his free tutor for studying...

The rest of the second year was just passed with him working hard to pass the exams, and working hard to get money. And sometimes go out with his so called friends. 

***

Back to summer break.

_"hey, this Saturday I got invited to the karaoke by some friend...there's gonna be a bunch of girls as well...you guys should come"_

_"Sure...meeting some cute girls is gonna be a nice break from all the summer homeworks" said buzzcut_

_"Mo Guan Shan, if buzzcut comes you shall come as well...stop declining my generous offers"_

_"Stop joking what generous offer...I have work to do"_

_"You always have work...if you go on like this you're gonna be single for life"_

_~whispering~_

_"Boss...I know you're not interested in the girls, but you should come as well, just to have fun"_

_"What the fuck do you mean I'm not interested in the girls...and stop calling me boss. I told you I fucking have work"_

_"But...but you and He Tian...I thought-"_

_"Bastard another word and I'll cut your chicken dick...you're saying I'm not interested in girls...I'll show you, who's not interested in girls"_

_"HEYYYY...I'LL COME AS WELL"_

_"Nice decision Mo"_

***

Saturday arrived, Mo was regretting his decision to go to the karaoke, but he couldn't just decline last minute so he got ready and went.

When he arrived buzzcut and his 2 friends were already there, with other 3 guys including the one who started all this. Near them, all compacted, there were around 8 girls talking and giggling with each other.

_"So are we all here?" asked Mo_

_"Not yet, one guy who was supposed to come apparently is gonna arrive later. So he told me that we can go in" said the guy who started this._

Like he thought, who was he kidding...he ended up being in a corner silent or looking at his phone. Whenever a girl wanted to talk to him, out of habit his face would just go huh? but apparently it was enough to scare them off...in fact none of them talked to him. He was really regretting this, he needed some air, so while everyone was having fun, he sneaked out.

Finally he had some air and his ears weren't pulsing anymore from the loud sounds coming from people screaming-singing. While walking he decided to turn right and to go to a ministore, but instead he bumped into somebody.

_"Such a faithful encounter...Redhead"_

_"Fuck...She Li"_

_"Shouldn't you be more happy seeing your savior after soooo long??"_

_"What fucking savior...it happened years ago. We're done"_

_"I was thinking it's weird seeing you like this alone, where is your black haired boyfriend...is he not here to protect you from big ol' She Li"_

_"Shut the fuck up...it's not your business"_

_"Redhead you look a bit too careless right now...should I show you again what fear is?...remember your debt hasn't been paid yet and right now nobody is next to you anymore to protect you"_

_And like that he grabbed Mo's shirt. But before anything happened._

_"Hey, Shan...what's going on?"_

_Hearing this She Li stopped._

_"I guess the fun has to stop" said She Li and then whispered "see you around, Redhead"_

_And he just went away, finally I could take a breath._

_"Shan, wasn't that She Li? Don't tell me you went back to be associated with him?"_

_"What the fuck...no never...rather than that...what are you doing here Xixi?"_

_"Ahhh fuck, right...I'm late for a karaoke"_

_"Don't tell me you are the so called friend who was late and just told us to go in"_

_"Wait you were there as well"_

_"Yeah...but I had to take a breather..."_

_"I thought that you still..."_

_"Then the same goes to you, Xixi"_

_"Right...just thought it was time to move on move on, but I guess I'm still not over it..."_

_"Yeah...first love sucks...and you have known yours since childhood"_

_"Shan...I would have never expected you to say the L word"_

_"Shut the fuck up, chicken dick"_

_"Yeah sorry, this is nice. It's been a while since we talked properly"_

_Like that, they ended up ditching the karaoke and going to the store and buy something to drink, while catching up and sit-squatting on the ground._

_"I can't believe I agreed to go to a karaoke again, especially after our graduation from middle school"_

_"I still have the picture from our graduation...we looked so small. But somehow our height difference is still the same"_

_"I'm still taller anyways, so that's a you problem"_

And like that, they kept insulting each other until late. Afterwards they decided to go home, not before Xixi told him, that they should go back to eat in front of the fence and Mo telling him that he will, if he was going to tutor him again. 

That night, Mo woke up from a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I don't know if anybody has noticed but the titles are taken from BTS songs, which wasn't in my plans but then I just thought it would be fun to do so. The second chapter's title I'M FINE is from the same song from BTS, and in the song if you rotate the words it says SAVE ME, thought it fit that chapter nice.  
> Yes, I woke up and choose pain...also why do I keep writing ff at 3 am...


	4. Blood, sweat and tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the way there, he kept feeling as if somebody was following him. It hadn't been the first time, actually it had been forever since he felt this way, but everytime he would turn around, there was nobody and the feeling would stop when he arrived home. 
> 
> Chapter 4, hope you guys enjoy it. At this point I don't know if it's shorter or longer than usual, but hope you guys enjoy it :) It might be a bit triggering.
> 
> P.s. I just realized while re-reading some old 19 days chapters, that we knew how Xixi and Jian Yi's high school uniforms looked like, but I just forgot about it. So yeah, pretend as if you guys didn't know as well XD

_One day_

Mo had a nightmare. It wasn't as if it was his first time, in fact he had his fair share of them. But it had been a while, since that snake appeared in them. 

_"Fuck...that bastard ruined my sleep"_

In all honesty, he didn't expect to react that calmly to She Li, it had been more than 2 years since they saw each other, and a part of him, almost thought that he wouldn't be able to hunt him anymore. The reason might have been, that he felt kinda safe and he wasn't alone. But now, he was. Even with Xixi or Buzzcut, if they won it was gonna be bad.

***

Next day in class.

_"Students, sit. You guys are third years, so I want you all to focus on studying, taking good grades on your exam and therefore, enter a good school. As you know, many universities now require to have a certain level of English. Therefore, our school, together with our neighbors were able to get in contacts with different countries regarding an exchange program. And we just received today, that the exchanging country will be England"_

Mo's brain stopped working for a bit...England...wasn't that the country where He Tian was...no...what was he thinking, even if, he didn't know which city he was in or the name of the school, and it's not as if he could afford to go anyways.

_"Teacher, but how much is it gonna cost" asked a girl_

_"Right. Apparently, this school is trying to promote exchanging students programs, so instead of paying for a marketing campaign, they will pay for our trip. In return, we'll probably have to provide some kind of reviews. Except for that, this trip is completely free"_

Never mind the not being able to afford part. 

***

In front of the fence.

_"Shan...why aren't you talking that much...isn't that supposed to be my job?"_

_"Shut up...it's nothing. Have you heard of the trip to England?"_

_"Yeah...it's gonna be my first time abroad"_

_"Same...it's not as if I could have ever afforded it. But you know, if I go then it will mean no work and my mom is gonna be lonely as well"_

_"You worried for your mom? I think she would tell you to go. I mean it's a one in a million chance, you can't let it slip. Is that, what you were thinking?"_

_"Mmh...yeah, I guess. Also the other day...with She Li...thanks"_

_"No worries. But you should stop shouldering stuff by yourself, both Jian Yi and He Tian told you. They might not be here, but you know you might have hit me with a rock, but I can be reliable as well"_

_"I already apologized. Also, I feel like you've been talking too much now. You should go back to your old character"_

***

It was already five in the afternoon and thankfully he didn't have any work that day, because he was too tired. He decided that before going home, he would have stopped by the store near the school to buy some groceries and cook for his mom. It had been a while. 

On the way there, he kept feeling as if somebody was following him. It hadn't been the first time, actually it had been forever since he felt this way, but everytime he would turn around, there was nobody and the feeling would stop when he arrived home. But because he didn't have any evidence, he disregarded it as his own paranoia. The moment he reached the store, it stopped.

After selecting his precious grocery, he went towards the cashier.

_"Redhead...when I said, see you around I didn't think this early"_

_"S-She Li"_

_Fuck, he's whole body was screaming at him to just run. Like that time in the subway, but now he was in a store and waiting in queue, he couldn't just do that. He also needed to buy the food, like hell he was gonna waste it._

_"Alone again, I see. We should hang out, like the old times" he said whispering_

_"I-i am done being associated with you"_

_"So it's like this, what about the debt you have towards me. You really are like your father..."_

_At that Mo snapped his head so fast._

_"Shut your fucking mouth"_

_"I like how you're looking at me with that hatred in your eyes, but we wouldn't want to cause a commotion, right?"_

_"Just fucking go and leave me alone"_

_Mo paid for the grocery and headed out. He felt a hand on his shoulder._

_"Not that fast, Redhead. We should settle things, I want my debt to be paid back and I guess you must be pretty angry yourself now. So what do you think?"_

_He knew, it was wrong but he ended up deciding to follow him, he had to settle this or it would keep following him until he died._

_"OK, let's go"_

_"Nice"_

_He knew it, worst fucking idea. When did he ever learn. She Li was a fucking snake of course he would never fight him by himself. After a bunch of turns, they arrived in an alleyway and there at least other 5/6 people were there. He was going to turn around and run, even though it hurted his pride, he was aware when shit was gonna go down. But somebody already hit him from behind. At that, he left the grocery down and of course started fighting back. He was still pretty good, but it was 1 vs 6, as much as he was good, he knew he couldn't win, he had to find something or it was gonna be bad. And there it was, his sight blurred and he spit blood, somebody hit him hard, right in the stomach. He fell to the ground gasping and at that some people grabbed his arms and pulled him up, somehow he was feeling a sense of dejà vu._

_"Redhead, I told you. I came to collect my debt"_

_*cough* "w-what the fuck..stop spouting n-nonsense"_

_"Don't you remember, what I told you once...you should cut off a piece of your flesh and give it to me"_

_"Stop...saying nonsense...and even if, y-you said you would do it after, you h-helped me get revenge..."_

_"Ohhhh...you don't know...Redhead, you call me snake but you still trust my words..."_

_She Li walked up to Mo and grabbed his hair up and with the most disturbing grin said._

_"It's because of me. Your father is in, because of me"_

_Mo froze completely, his face went between full on anger to confusion._

_"W-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HOW IS IT YOU...IT HAS BEEN YEARS, YOU WERE A FUCKING KID...STOP BULLSHITTING WITH ME"_

_"Right...to be more precise...we can say it's my parents fault. They owned a loan company, your dad was one of their clients, he used the money to open a restaurant, but apparently he wasn't able to return the loan on time. From what I heard, my parents called him multiple times, but he always tried to push the deadline. The problem was that the situation between my parents wasn't going well, so my mom decided she was gonna get her loan back at any cost, therefore through some connections she was able to get to the mafia and I guess you know what happened afterwards... You know, I found out about this while overhearing them, one day in the hospital, guess what...that same day you were there, with your mom crying, after you got a fever from the events of the day before...poor small child"_

_What the fuck...what THE FUCK...WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK..._

_"You...you are a total fucking psycho. Let me go, I might just make you become my personal punching bag, until you can't move and maybe forget about this"_

_"Redhead, you should be careful with what you say" he punched Mo again "I still have the upper hand"_

_"Argh...you f-fucking psycho snake shit"_

_"Now...what should I do...I found out about your dad, you should compensate me. Should I just cut you a bit or..." he touched Mo's black studs "So sweet you're still wearing your boyfriend's earrings, no wait ex...but you know, in the end who was the one who gave you the piercing...me...I think your reaction today has been more than satisfying, I'm gonna be generous and do one last thing and your debt is gonna be over with me. Deal?" She Li looked on the ground until he found something small and...and it was an old push pin. Mo's face was contorted in anger and fear with old memories flooding in._

_"You...you wouldn't dare doing it...not again..."_

_"But I am here, and it looks like I am daring. Keep him in place, I want to see his face properly before letting him go" with that he closed up to Mo, specifically his right ear. And like that he placed the pin on the cartilage and pushed in. In that moment the only sound that could be heard was Mo's painful scream, when it finished from the now new made piercing there were trickles of blood gushing out from the fresh wound. The other guys stopped keeping Mo up and therefore, he just dropped on the floor, the only sound he made with those empty eyes was a barely whispered He Tian. He was so out of it, that he didn't even hear rushed steps coming towards their direction. Before he knew it, somebody had knocked out all the other 5 guys, with She Li being the last and he saw with his blurred eyes, him getting basically treated like the punching bag he was. He didn't grasp the situation yet, the only thing he could hear was a deep voice talking to him._

_Like that, he passed out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go, chapter 4. I guess this was a bit more angsty and triggering...
> 
> Thank you sooo much for all the people reading, commenting and living kudos ♡


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Finally awake. You slept half a day"
> 
> Right, the last memory he had was of a deep voice.
> 
> Chapter 5 is finally out...honestly half of the chapter was already done at least a week ago, but right now I'm on internship and it had been a bit chaotic so I didn't have time to write :'(  
> Anyways hope you guys like it!

_One day_

Mo's last memories were all a giant blur. He did remember getting pierced, but everything else was just a mess. Somehow now, he was laying down on something soft, different from the concrete of the alleyway, at that he slowly opened his eyes. It was white, everything, the led lights, the walls, the bed he was laying on and apparently him as well, because his clothes were very different from his own, he didn't remember having a hospital gown in his repertoire. 

He assumed a sitting position, overall he didn't feel that bad, not that good either, but except the soreness he was ok. His hand went then to touch his ear, and now there was a small band-aid, where the hole was supposed to be. How did he arrive at the hospital though, he didn't remember being able to do so. While thinking, somebody opened the room's door and he heard a deep voice coming from it.

_"Finally awake. You slept half a day"_

Right, the last memory he had was of a deep voice. He recognized this one, it had been soo long since he heard it though. 

_"B-brother Qiu"_

_"You still remember me, it means your head is ok. The doctors gave you an anti tetanus, so you should be okay"_

_"What are you doing here? How did you find me?"_

_"Honestly, I feel like I should have just retired, instead I might have even be fired. I swear, you couldn't wait until the end of high school to get into a giant brawl?"_

_"Huh? I don't understand"_

_"I guess you don't know...but during these past 2 years, I was checking up on you. To prevent anything bad to happen. But you had to go with that crazy child to shitlandia, without exiting from the front door. Thankfully I heard your scream. It could have been even worse"_

_"W-what the...so it was you for the past 2 years? But why, why would you that?"_

_"It's because of that guy's brother complex. His little brother asks him a favor and of course I end up doing the dirty work. Fuck my life"_

_"W-what..."_

_"He Tian...before going away, some stuff happened and he asked help to He Cheng. He asked him, to check on you, because you had darkness as well, but he wasn't going to be there to protect you from it anymore"_

_"That fucking asshole...who does he think he is...a h-hero?" but his eyes were already starting to feel wet "w-what happened to She Li and co"_

_"You don't need to know. I took care of it, let's just say, they're not gonna be a bother anymore"_

_Mo decided it was better to not ask more questions, but he had to go out, or it was going to be too expensive._

_"Where do you think you're going?"_

_"Home. I don't have a huge shit lot of money. Where is the grocery?"_

_"Go back to sleep, this happened due to my lack, the expenses are on me. Or rather, He Cheng's black card"_

_He was too tired to argue. It was around 5 in the morning._

_"I'll wake you up later, then you can go home and then to school"_

_"I can go to school right away like this"_

_"You SHOULD go back, trust me"_

_What was that for...he could already see his mom's worried face. But he was too tired so, he let it off and listened to brother Qiu._

***

It was 7 in the morning and after getting dismissed from the hospital, he rode brother Qiu's motorcycle, which was greatttt, he promised to himself to get enough money to buy one. Brother Qiu volunteered to bring him to school and he said that even if he took his time, he would go so fast that he would be arriving in advance instead. Seriously, brother Qiu was being weird. 

He walked up the stairs and when he arrived to his apartment's door, he took a breath and then opened the door.

What he saw, caught him completely unexpected.

His mom was hugging someone, this person was taller than her, a man. But when Mo tried to focus, he recognized the person, he started shaking, tears where already falling from his eyes without his consent. And he was trying so hard to talk, but his mouth made empty sounds. The person standing in his living room shouldn't have been there...but apparently he was. Did karma decide to finally pay him back, after all the shit he endured?

_"F-father..."_

_"Guan Shan, you are back?"_

_"H-how...w-why..."_

_At that Mo's dad opened one arm as an invitation, while still hugging his mom with the other. With that Mo walked towards his father, while looking down and bumped his head on his dad's shoulder, feeling the arm enveloping him in a hug. He cried. A lot. Together with his mom. They were a family again._

_"Dad...what happened?"_

_"I'm not sure myself...a man too young to have white hair came and discussed for hours with a judge, a lawyer and some other people. After that somehow I was released"_

_"Brother Qiu? But...how"_

_"I didn't really have time to make it sink in, so I didn't ask. I was only thinking of being able to see you two. By the way, isn't it a bit too late? Don't students go to school at this hour?"_

_"You're not expecting me to go to school with you here, right?"_

_"Do I want my son to be stupid? You have to go to school even if I'm here. It just means we will be able to catch up later" with that he ruffled Mo's hair_

_"Ok"_

_He ran downstairs and found brother Qiu leaning on the motorcycle._

_"You finally back? I told you to take your time, but not this much. Hop on let's go. And stop making that disgusting face, your eyebrows are not frowning"_

***

Thankfully he arrived on time that morning, but somehow there was something weird going on. Everyone was looking at him weirdly and there were even some girls, who approached him. Even Buzzcut looked at him, as if he grew a third eye.

It was lunch time, so he got ready to go and eat at the fence, maybe Xixi could tell him what was wrong.

_"OMG...who are you and where did you throw Shan at?"_

_"Xixi...what the fuck are you babbling about"_

_"I don't know...your face is...I swear I'm going to throw up after saying it...but you look almost handsome...why ewwwww"_

_"What the fuck does that even mean"_

_"Did something nice happened? And also why do you kinda look beat up...and your ear..."_

_"Yeah...I guess something nice might have happened...also She Li decided to gang up on me. But all good"_

_"Wait... what She Li? And now where is he"_

_"I don't know...brother Qiu took care of that"_

_"Brother Qiu...does that mean that He Tian or Jian Yi might be here??"_

_"I'm sorry...I don't think so...I guess I will have to fill you in"_

***

Mo arrived home, not before brother Qiu picked him up from school, drawing useless crowds, as well as Xixi exchanging a glance with him.

But finally, he was home, with his family. They were now together.

_"I'm home"_

_"Welcome back, Guan Shan" he heard his dad say_

_"Father...remember we have to talk"_

_"Yeah yeah...go take a shower first and then we can"_

_"Okok"_

He was finally happy in sooo long, but deep down that small part of his heart that didn't move on yet, wanted him to share his happiness with somebody...who wasn't there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 is out:) Probably their trip to England is gonna happen next chapter...wait for it!


End file.
